Back to Soul Searching at Midnight...

At the stroke of Midnight hour, when most of the hostel sleeps,

I am yet again awake to put ink to my thoughts.

Well I am no Nehru, but I couldn't find a much better starting phrases for this blog entry than his famous 1947 Aug 14 speech. Its been almost a week now since I returned and I should say that I am feeling completely lost now. I am not sure where or what to pin-point about this curious dilemma of mine, but I totally feel like a stranger now. Gone are the days when I used to be comfortable with a single book and complete solitude. Gone are the days when I used to be more inquisitive about things happening around me. My hostel mates mock me and tell that I am aging fast, which unfortunately may be the very reason.

When was I truly happy? It is bit difficult to answer this question, but I think I can take some 2-3 good shots at it. The list will look something like:

1. When I was totally engrossed in understanding a new concept/theory/puzzle.
2. When there were kids around me.
3. I sat infront of my diary to pen down my thoughts for the day.

So what has happened to all these now? I think 'getting older' has made me look at life now with a different perspective. I will be the last guy to accept the fact that I am getting mature in my thoughts and actions [Well I seriously doubt whether my friends will say that some day] but atleast I accept that I have to behave like that now. The changes that are happening both inside and outside my family has given me some indications as to where I should be heading towards in the coming years. Till this time I tried to live in the moment and not fret about future a lot, which will slowly change.The prescription for me would be to channel my thoughts and energy into meaningful and result-oriented actions which will shape my future. The time for experimentation has nearly come to a stop. I need to start engaging myself in aforementioned activities sooner or I will always remain like this, doing soul-searching at midnights.

There is a greater purpose for everyone's life and only when it has been understood, does one really mature and blossom. So let this be a grim reminder for the lazybone inside me that he needs to buck up and start sweating out there.