It has been a tumultuous December for me. And majority of the blame lies with me as I am still unsure of taking up responsibilities.Life has never wanted so many answers out of me and this is what I think Growing Up feels like.
I wanted to share all my feelings everyday, but the addiction to Social Networking had taken its toll. But all these have become history with the close of 2011. Physically I am bit weak now, but I guess mentally I am getting tougher each day.
It is just amazing how things panned out during the past week. I have already shared how the pressure of being single was slowly building up. And things took a weird turn on the day of Christmas. It was a long conversation by one of my friend, about his tryst with romance, which actually triggered every thing. The entire episode was so amazingly described by him that we forgot that he was telling his story for nearly 3 hours non-stop. And in that festive mood, we all felt so relaxed and chilled even after the discussion. This was followed by trip to Nagar for Seema's (one among my best female friends) wedding (And it was a Love/Arranged marriage). The plan was to start from campus at 6 AM and catch a train to Kalyan from where we will get direct bus to Nagar.
There were 4 of us for the onward journey - Me, Vijay, Srinivas and Apoorva. I was totally exhausted by the activities of 25th and an early morning travel made me all the more tired. Still, during the onward journey to Kalyan we discussed a lot about the activities of department, our future and development arena in general.
By the time we finished the breakfast and boarded the bus, I was half asleep. Still there were some interesting discussions initially when we started the bus journey. But some time later I dozed off. It would have been around 20-30 minutes from the starting point, the bus suddenly halted and I woke up with a start. It was a tea-stall and all were getting down for their share of tea. Well, I guess, Apoorva will be cursing that Tea right now because what followed after the resumption was even something that even I thought unbelievable. I was opening up completely and the poor girl had to suffer this till we reached Nagar which was a further 3.5 hours of journey.
But this was the start of self-realization for me. Deep inside I was so "anti-Marriage" that I never realized that these feelings of insecurity and doubts will be there for everyone. This dawned upon me after seeing the groom on both the days of marriage. The moment after the ceremony was over his face was more composed and more assured. I never felt this during any of my cousin's wedding. May be everything has its own time.
And this was further vetted out when on my return journey I had the same discussion with Vijay (thankfully it was not that long). His advices and words had quite a number of answers to majority of my doubts. The self-confidence was further increased when Apoorva (yeah once again) engaged in a philosophical discussion with me through a game. And I felt both of us were gauging each other throughout those discussions. But now I feel that I needed a sister like her to remove the ego growing inside me.
What all these have led to are some important New Year resolutions. The first and foremost was indeed Growing Up from my shell. It is indeed a difficult proposition, but I guess with proper conditioning it would work out just fine. And for this I am taking up some responsibilities and staying away from further distractions.The second was of course my de-addiction campaign, which I am hopeful of continuing till year end. The third was to open up my heart for accepting the idea of relationships. Again this is also going to take its time, and I am better off not planning anything at this moment. There is a beauty in letting the universe unfolding itself.
Had one more resolution at the start of the week to decide on that "One Person" or "The Someone" (to be always referred as the same, taking cue from how my mom addresses dad even when he is not around) in my life. But now it seems a bit too much asking and I will wait for an opportunity to present itself.
//So :
#include
void main ( )
{
printf("Hello World /n");
printf("I am starting to GROW UP");
}
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