"..........This is my first blog after I left India. So it is bit special for me. I never had expected an easy life over here in the first place but still I didnt believe that matters could be so grave. It is now that I understand the joy and pleasure of having lived in a democratic country like India. The life in a foreign land is bit irksome for many and that too for persons who had a comforting life back in their homeland. But again, the only consoling feeling is that all these are......"
~ Written a little more than 3 years ago (20-09-2008) after I was almost 1 month old as an NRI.
And finally I decided to give blogger a visit back. The first thing that I did was hunt down through the drafts and see what all I left unsaid. Nothing controversial left behind, as I see it now. But this post really caught eye. I could visualize myself writing this, in that room in Sharjah after a Friday of long celebrations (most probably) of freedom and being with my close friends. My friends and cousin would be lying the other room. I may have gone to the Kitchen to make a coffee and look at possible food items that are still edible. There is very little that I am able to recollect. But one thing is for sure, it would have been early morning and I would be all alone in that TV room.
So what is so special about this post that made me restart with it? Both these postings across time find me looking at similar situations and questions on my life and future, and both these come when I am away from my home. Both come at a time when I am at my most leisurely mode of survival and both in fact come when I am surrounded by my well-wishers and friends away from home. At the time of writing the original post I was very clear on one thing - I will not stay back for more than a year, and it happened like that. Now I am pretty sure that I will not stay back for more than 7 months here.
Still the feeling of responsibility has not sunk into my system. I take my future for granted, never really planning for it in the first place. I have missed so much due to my ever reliable attitude of procrastination. I have never let it affect me but experiences during the past few days have come like a loud slap on my otherwise easy-go personality. There are certain things for which you plan in your life, or in fact should plan for in life, and this is one axiom I gleefully disobey. I have tried to shed the wounded and afraid one inside me and has been successful more or less. The freedom and blatant irresponsibility has made college-life a real dream for me till now. But I think the free ride stops now.
I am being asked questions, need to prove my mettle and most importantly be responsible. How do I go about that? Why am I still so unsure about what I want from my future? Why I do have little confidence in my abilities now? Why should I get cold feet at situations where I should display the boldness of a man (or as quoted by someone dear to me) ? At this time, these are some questions which I am unable to answer or to be more precise don't wish to answer. The answers may be quite simple, for their worth. But some answers ask me questions much beyond what I can answer now. I am never a firm believer in that blind leap of faith and that is what these answers are demanding me...
Now that I am back with writing ways, will surely update this blog regularly and make sure I am reminded of these ramblings every day.
~ Written a little more than 3 years ago (20-09-2008) after I was almost 1 month old as an NRI.
And finally I decided to give blogger a visit back. The first thing that I did was hunt down through the drafts and see what all I left unsaid. Nothing controversial left behind, as I see it now. But this post really caught eye. I could visualize myself writing this, in that room in Sharjah after a Friday of long celebrations (most probably) of freedom and being with my close friends. My friends and cousin would be lying the other room. I may have gone to the Kitchen to make a coffee and look at possible food items that are still edible. There is very little that I am able to recollect. But one thing is for sure, it would have been early morning and I would be all alone in that TV room.
So what is so special about this post that made me restart with it? Both these postings across time find me looking at similar situations and questions on my life and future, and both these come when I am away from my home. Both come at a time when I am at my most leisurely mode of survival and both in fact come when I am surrounded by my well-wishers and friends away from home. At the time of writing the original post I was very clear on one thing - I will not stay back for more than a year, and it happened like that. Now I am pretty sure that I will not stay back for more than 7 months here.
Still the feeling of responsibility has not sunk into my system. I take my future for granted, never really planning for it in the first place. I have missed so much due to my ever reliable attitude of procrastination. I have never let it affect me but experiences during the past few days have come like a loud slap on my otherwise easy-go personality. There are certain things for which you plan in your life, or in fact should plan for in life, and this is one axiom I gleefully disobey. I have tried to shed the wounded and afraid one inside me and has been successful more or less. The freedom and blatant irresponsibility has made college-life a real dream for me till now. But I think the free ride stops now.
I am being asked questions, need to prove my mettle and most importantly be responsible. How do I go about that? Why am I still so unsure about what I want from my future? Why I do have little confidence in my abilities now? Why should I get cold feet at situations where I should display the boldness of a man (or as quoted by someone dear to me) ? At this time, these are some questions which I am unable to answer or to be more precise don't wish to answer. The answers may be quite simple, for their worth. But some answers ask me questions much beyond what I can answer now. I am never a firm believer in that blind leap of faith and that is what these answers are demanding me...
Now that I am back with writing ways, will surely update this blog regularly and make sure I am reminded of these ramblings every day.
1 comment:
Writing helps sort the head. Right time to jump back in. Just keep going at it :)
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